What happens when you’ve been away…and the “perks” of returning home.

Kunenepa

Adjective

1. the Chichewa word meaning “to be fat”

”Ooooooo Katie, you are looking so nice, munenepa.” This is how I was greeted by my friends in the village when arriving home after being out of my site for almost 2 weeks for Camp GLOW. Literally, within 10 minutes of being home, I was told by like three people, you are getting fat. I stopped at the health center before I even stopped home, bag still on my back, and immediately….”Katies getting fat. Katies getting fat” were the words I heard. I tell you, news travels fast here, and clearly this is news worth traveling. Now one would think, that this is something you don’t tell your friend…if you want them to stay your friend. Because, let’s be real, society tells us that being “fat,” whatever that actually means, isn’t a positive thing….at least this is the case in Western Culture. The same isn’t true for here in Malawi. Others may think that being greeted like this may have hurt my feelings….it didn’t. Because honestly, after living in Malawi for 6 months I’ve learned that the fatter the better. And that “getting fat” doesn’t actually mean you’ve necessarily gained weight…it’s more of a compliment, saying, oh you’ve been eating good food lately…which was technically true. If you’re a fat Malawian, then it means you have money and money=food=fat….therefore, getting fat is a good thing because you have money. (this is what Malawi has taught me thus far….the important things). Plus, being a PCV means that anytime you leave village and eat real food, it’s totally acceptable to gain at least 10 lbs in 2 days, because real food never seems to exist so when it’s available you eat it ALL….and as soon as you return to site, you go back to eating village food and being skinny anyways, so who cares. Life’s real hard here in Malawi haha. But just to clarify (if you were indeed worried…you probably aren’t), my self-esteem is still intact, and I am not currently 300lbs like the Malawians have made me out to be.

It must have been my Malawian Qdobasss.....yum.

Anyways, as I arrived home after being out of site for two weeks my emotions are mixed. I had to say goodbye to friends, to good food (that I didn’t have to cook myself…and apparently that also made me “to look so nice” and fat as the Malawians say it), and of course to the unusual life of being outside the village. And this time specifically I had to say goodbye to Camp GLOW and the wonderful campers that I had the honor to work with over the course of the week.

Although I have only left and retuned from my site in Chipoka a handful of times before this journey to Camp GLOW, every time I do it’s like my brain goes into chaos. And it was the same thing with this trip. My thoughts don’t know where to even begin to start. My brain forgets how to process things….(like how not to get hit by what seems like millions of cars in the city). When I leave, within minutes I am over stimulated, and it’s really easy to miss my village almost instantly. I am overwhelmed with the amount of conversation, and English, with all of these foreign white people (okay they aren’t really foreign, they are my friends, but sometimes at first it feels that way). I miss my alone time just after a few hours of being surrounded by so many other human bodies. I miss my Malawian friends, and I also wonder if they are missing me. When I leave I also am consumed with this feeling of guilt. A feeling that I’ve had before in small doses, but never to this extent. Guilt of the kwatcha I just dropped on the fancy lunch I am eating….an amount of money that a family may use to feed themselves for weeks. I have guilt that I am not in village, at the health center helping out, or going to the out reach clinics and seeing all of the smiling (and crying) children. I have guilt that I left Tom (my dog) behind with my landlord and my friend Limbi. That I’m not there practicing Chichewa. That I’m not “available” to go to the wedding, or funeral, or birthday party. Or that I’m not there to just hang out with my tiny human neighbor friends. To say the least, lots of things go through my mind.

But then, this time being away at least (the first time being away for more than a day and night), as the days passed, being out of village felt a little more like normal life. I remembered how to have a normal English conversation...words are hard. I remembered what real food tasted like, and what it means to treat yourself. I remembered how much I really did miss my PCV friends. And its when these things happen that is becomes harder to readjust back into the village life (aka what I am experiencing currently writing this post).

Before Camp GLOW I had never been away from my home for more than two consecutive days, and because of our three-month site lockdown even these trips were very limited. So readjusting was never as hard because my mind never really had a chance to fully adapt away from what my life in Chipoka has become. However, after being away for two weeks things have been different. Coming back was harder than I wanted it to be. Being alone in my empty house felt a lot lonelier than it did before. Knowing I couldn’t throw all my dirty clothes in a laundry machine, but that I had to spend half a day washing them by hand was like, “ummmm yeah I don’t want to do that.” Cooking on the fire didn’t seem all that easy anymore, and was something I really tried to avoid for a few days until my landlord asked me what I had been eating because I hadn’t been cooking at all….(the answer to that question, m&m’s from a care package, don’t judge me). And life was tough for a few days. I felt spoiled and ungreatful. And again, guilty for having these complaining feelings that I usually don’t have because I love the simplicity of my life here.

Dirty laundry...it sat on this chair for a few days....

But then there are also positives to returning back to village after being gone for what seemed like forever. Like the fact that my post box at the post office was full of encouraging letters and 2 packages (thanks to these I was able to put off cooking over that fire for as long as possible…thanks Laura and Mrs. Hodgeman, I love you both).

Laura mailed me home made cookies...they were gone in like a day.

Or the fact that Tom came running to me waging her tale, realizing that I didn’t go back to the United States and abandon her (like some of the workers at the health center thought…I swear miscommunication is real, how could they think this, it was 2 weeks?!?). She was so excited to see me and she just wanted to snuggle me so much. And believe me, I welcomed those snuggles with open arms, and my lap where Tom likes to lay her head.

Another positive coming home was definitely my GARDEN. My landlord did such a wonderful job watering it while I was gone, that it grew so much. I found little zucchinis, cucumbers, and a baby watermelon starting to grow. So exciting.

But my favorite thing about returning to Chipoka after being gone, is the feeling of gratefulness that returns when you live this simple life day in and day out. Specifically grateful for my friends that have made Chipoka feel like my new home. It was how my village welcomed me back like I had been gone for months. Like one of their own family members. Someone they had missed so much. This is what always makes coming home (anywhere in the world) best. Being surrounded by people who love you. Because you realize how much you missed them back. So with that being said, I’m so happy to be back in Chipoka. And even though I may not want to wash my clothes by hand today, there’s always tomorrow….or next week.

My friends :)

#peacecorps